I’m currently sitting here at ‘work’ listening to my boss and a client work on a film, not doing anything. I watched a video yesterday about how you can have all the ambition in life, but if you don’t actually work towards realising your dreams, then you’ll never accomplish anything.
I’ve started watching Casey Neistat’s videos recently and I really love them. He’s a filmmaker who lives in NYC, and his attitude to life is something I wish I had. He knows what he can and can’t do, and what he can’t do he works towards achieving. He’s got to where he is today through working hard. In a recent video, he said that free-time is the enemy of progress. This, and then watching that video made me realise that I’m not doing anything with my life.
Last year, I was just sitting around all day waiting for things to come to me. I knew deep down that this would never happen, because I wasn’t putting myself out there. How can anyone find you when you’re laying in bed on your laptop the whole time? This year, I’ve put much more effort into finding a job (as of today, that’s 56 applications in 3 months). I’m getting interviewed, but still no job. But! Something is vastly different today than it was this time last year – I’m actually trying.
Now, even though I’m sitting here in a place that I don’t really want to be, doing something I don’t really want to do, I know that if I keep trying good things will eventually happen. But until that happening happens, I have to put everything into what I’m doing now to get the most out of life.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been shy/scared of putting myself out there for fear of judgement. Now having done a creative degree, I can’t be this way anymore. I’ve got to get myself out there and create. There have been certain family members who have always put me down for pursuing film, and others who have tried to ‘guide’ me to where they think I should be. A couple of weeks ago I had an interview at for a sales position. This was a day-long ‘interview’ where you get to observe the kind of work you’d be doing, and gives an opportunity for your supervisors to question you along the way. After about an hour I knew the work wasn’t for me – it was door-to-door sales, but the application and the people who worked there had built it up to be something completely different. After about 3 hours I decided to leave, telling them ‘thanks for the opportunity, but this isn’t for me’. I told my parents, who were happy for me that I’d decided to leave. However, when the rest of my family found out they asked why I didn’t just stick it out. A job’s a job’s a job.
I understand that I could have gotten a job there. I would have been earning lots of money (something that the supervisors were keen to let me know), and I know it’s a job, but that’s not the point. At this moment of my life, I know I could easily get a job like that, but I’m still young. I want to work somewhere I love, and am happy to go to everyday knowing that the work I do is important and contributing to the creative community. And whilst I’m still looking for this amazing position to come round the corner so I can pounce on it (ok, maybe not pounce, but walk towards politely), I have to be doing things that help me grow as a create person. Because after all, if you never try you’ll never know, and I want to know!
Alicia Writes 